I Don’t Wear Green On Purpose

I often wear green and although I like the color, I don’t wear it purposely or because of my name.

Many times when I look for clothing, it is a process of elimination of which color I like, and then I look for my size and often green is the one that is in my size. I noticed I rarely wore black in the recent past. I am not sure why, although I have been finding black clothing more rare in the stores, so if I spot something black in my size, I will grab it.

Today I wear green again and I twisted strands of my hair on either side to pin in the back with clips the color of my hair, a green ring, dark blue jeans, and medieval-looking autumnal boots. 

This afternoon, I walk past a tall, subtle building with shadowy windows and discover a forest path to one side I had not noticed before. 

Because the leaves have mostly fallen, I can see into the forest. I can smell the dry leaves melding with the scent of grass this uncommonly warm day. I feel kind of like a fairy maybe, or a woman in a place she finds new, or secret, but it is spacious, too and not exactly hidden either. 

The leaves, the scent of grass that smells like summer this November, the laundry soap of my clothing, and the faint, familiar scent of my shampoo, almost tropical but not exactly, I sense all together. 

I hear a bird call I do not see or know its name, hear an animal, maybe the same bird quickly crunching the leaves as I stand looking into this place from which I am also apart. 

Some fairy things come to mind, such as one of my favorite books, Stardust by Neil Gaiman, am reminded of reading, writing, and being indoors, and the fairy necklaces I once wore and had not found in my closet the last time I looked.

I feel connected to the present here with birdsong, quiet footsteps, traffic loud and quiet; the small valleys of fallen leaves; high trees, a red maple, and white statues with expressive faces; the feeling of sleeves, my breath, and boots, the scent of my clothes, hair, and air; and no memorable taste. 

A recently remembered night dream comes to mind, knowing that it means something to me as almost all my remembered dreams do.

At the same time, I feel the past with me too, the repeated paths I walked, the people I passed, the books I read, the jewelry and clothing I wore, the way I styled my hair, and the emotions and beliefs I held.

Maybe it’s not so much a matter of shedding the past, although some of the past may be best to fall away and may do so effortlessly. And so you may keep the essence of what you cherished along with what is now within your heart and in your experience when you step softly or loudly, slowly or quickly, eagerly or hesitantly into the day to come.

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