blush of dawn Jade Nicole Beals

Reclaiming My Self

I am reclaiming myself again, finding my way out of the more fear-based way that was an essential part of my culture I chose to free myself from, beginning in 2020. I am already free, I can ask my own questions and can make decisions without all the answers.

The forms of therapy that have worked best for me personally are prayer, learning about subjects that really interest me, joining groups, experimenting under a dr.’s knowledge with timing of when I take medicine (helpful with extended release versions, but not a lot of experimenting in a short time), sticking with this timing with good results, writing and art of course! but was not always the case for me in the past with the more fear-based life plan, and planning my day. For my tendency to be excited about doing things like art and writing, and talking, that emphasizes leaving more space between activities than I was for the few years I’d been basically “functioning” manic, the energy level and activity leaving me exhausted and basically drunk by night.

But please note this is not perfect; I still get panic attacks at times I don’t know why while I am contented and happy. I also notice I do best when I eat meals at more regularly spaced intervals.

Life is not always able to be planned that way, but the panic will often calm after a meal, and a snack before bed if hungry also helps, but eating dinner really late if happens can be a reason for me to feel awake or anxious during the night.

Water matters, having enough but also not drinking water glass by glass without breaks. Too much water for me can really over-energize me and too little can also affect my mood and overall well-being.

Attending to my physical body as much more a priority has been an amazing help, as well as having clear space of when I may not be perceptive at the time for talking about something and that respected.

Habits are not that urgent to make a very effortful change, unless much more destructive, yet there are things I am working on of course, like keeping posts on the blog and leaving a little time as I may wish to post a certain subject or way of writing that. I’d like the blog to be based on “literature, art, and living” mainly from a creative, interactive, and in the moment type way. I may feature a post at the top of the page at a time I may post more directly or sensitively like this, to place that one more in focus, but the posts I intentionally aim to keep on the site. Ty for reading! And I hope your day’s been good and continue on! 😊 💕—Jade

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